Sunday Happenings

I cleaned about 1/5 of my garage today, and that part is looking sweet! I am making a dent in the other 4/5, although it may take a while for it to look like I've done anything. I have several boxes that are just things that were thrown. Today I worked on things in chunks of time, which seemed to help, especially when I got caught up in a couple of boxes of items taken from Brian's car. I find right now that these things make me very angry. The pain starts welling up, and then I just quit what I am doing to avoid the feelings. I did trudge through a few boxes today, and left a few things undone. But I found a treasure, which made it all worth it. Tucked inside of some other important papers, I found the receipt from the Olive Garden on the day he asked me to marry him. It just slipped out from behind some other papers and landed on the ground, and when I picked it up, I thought to myself...oh, the Olive Garden. Then I glanced at the date...May 11, 2002. I felt goosebumps, just thinking that he had kept it. So I kept it too, and brought it in to tuck it away in a safe place.

Tye and I did make it to the cemetery this afternoon. There was a package for us from someone who must have known we would be going out there today (must have read the blog). It took me a minute to realize what was propped up against the headstone. I want to keep it private, just to say that there were some special things in there for me and a few neat things for Tye. I just sobbed. Tye kept saying, why are you crying. I said...I miss Daddy. He kept fretting around, getting all worried. I said...remember last night when you were crying, and I said that it was ok for you to cry anytime you wanted? He said yes. I said...well, I feel like crying now. He said...here, just give me a hug...maybe you should just rest so you will feel better.

I got a good laugh in the midst of the tears.

Thank you to our little helper for your kindness...

I miss Brian so much. It hurts worse now than ever. I think the passing of time makes it more difficult for a while. I can see where time would smooth over some of the pain, yet sometimes the hands of time make it even more devastating.

Tye crawled around on Daddy's grave and spelled out Brian Halley. He wanted to know where his name was. I showed him on the back. He said...great, we're all going to die. (True, but let's not discuss that now). I said...well, your name is on there because you are Daddy's son. He said...Mom, were you Daddy's girlfriend? I said...well, I was, but then I got married to him and so I was his wife. He said...what are you now? I said...well, I'm a, well, a...

He said...just tell me mom! I said...I still feel like I'm his wife, so I guess I am. He said...are you still my mom? Oh yes, I said, I'll always be your mom. He said...let's sing the Daddy song. And we did.

If I get up the courage, I'll try to tape him singing the Daddy Loves Me Song.

Then I showed him where my mom is buried. We have been talking about how his Daddy and my Mommy are in Heaven together, and I told him we buried her treasure box there. He asked...so she's not coming back either? I shook my head no. Then we walked to my grandparents' grave and I told him this is where they are buried, and they were very special to me. He asked...so you put them in a treasure box and buried them here? I said, yeah, I guess we did. He asked me what all the words said, and then he told me all the numbers on the headstone that he knew.

We walked back toward Brian's grave. Tye said...I'm really hungry, but we can stay if you want to. I just hugged him and said I thought I was ready to go. He told Daddy he would be back to visit his garden again soon...