Open House Tonight

Tonight was our open house at school. It felt good to be there and to just blend in. It felt normal to see families walking through the school and kids busily putting books and supplies away. I've had several people ask me how I'm doing.

I'm here. As difficult as it is to start this year without Brian, I think it was even more difficult last year, when he was actually here, and longing so much to be able to spend the time getting his classroom ready, to go to the dreaded meetings, to welcome another school year. It was devastating to watch and know that he would likely not live through the school year. Those emotions are something beyond what I am feeling now. I miss him terribly, and I doubt that will ever change. I did not feel the agony of being at school, with him suffering at home. It is a catch 22, as they say, since he is gone.

The same goes for the school year with the kids. Thankfully, he was able to enjoy the first day of school with us last year, again, bittersweet.

Tye is battling what is likely a little flu bug, temp, vomiting, diahrrea. Super. I missed a short meeting today and stayed home with him. It was frustrating because I am really wanting to just be normal, no drama, no special circumstances. We had been up most of the night, so I wouldn't have been much good in the morning anyway. I took him to school with me to finish the last minute things in my room, then he stayed with my dad while I went to the open house. He has a temp again tonight, so it might be another long day. I have been a basketcase with his fever because I'm so worried he will have a seizure. I have relived those moments in my head several times today, and I just kept Tye very close and tried to keep meds in him. He had some trouble even keeping anything down, but that seems to be improving. Hopefully it will run its course by midday tomorrow.

I got my hair cut pretty short and colored. My appt. was Tuesday afternoon. This afternoon in the middle of Tye not feeling good, he turned to me and said...Mom! You got your hair cut! You look beautiful! I guess he had been too sick to notice. He is just so sweet.

I've been trying to revamp my sleeping habits. They have been out of whack for about a year now. When Brian was dying, I could barely have told you the difference between night and day. The nights have been a struggle. I wasn't sleeping, then I was, and now I'm back to having trouble getting to sleep...once I'm asleep, it's fine. And the Olympics aren't helping, with the women's gymnastics finals being at nearly midnight tonight. Even so, it was great to watch the U.S. get the gold and silver!

Thanks for checking on us.