9 Years

9 years.

And yet it seems like a lifetime ago. 

Or only yesterday.

9 years ago tonight I walked down the aisle and became Mrs. Brian Halley. 

Thank you, Brian, for showing me what a real marriage is, and how to love unconditionally.  Thank you for always encouraging me, and for believing in me.  Thank you for loving my girls and giving me Tye.

We alternated who was in charge of the anniversary plans.  I took care of the 1st anniversary, since he had planned a little honeymoon getaway.  We went to Cheaper by the Dozen, and I was almost 8 months preganant by then. We shopped for a carseat, then came back to get frozen custard at Sheridan's. Which was closed for the evening. So we ended up at Baskin Robbins. 

By my count, it should be my turn again. What I wouldn't give to go back to those days of pure love and innocence, a life not yet ravaged by cancer.  I would take him to the new Brazilian restaurant in St. Joe because I just have a feeling he would totally have loved it.  Whatever else we would do would hardly matter, just spending time together was so precious to us both. 

I almost went to the cemetery today. But I didn't. Not now. I went over the weekend because the weather was nice, and I hadn't gone for Christmas. My dad had his grave decorated so nice for the Christmas season.  I sat on his grave with the wind blowing and the sun shining. I still wanted to just crawl in there with him, just to stop feeling so sad.  So today, I didn't feel like going.  Tye was excited to repeatedly tell me Happy Anniversary, and when we sat down for dinner, he asked if this was an anniversary dinner. He ate for a while, then said he thought that his dad would have liked this dinner. Made me smile.

Time is passing so quickly. We celebrated 5 anniversaries together, and now I have celebrated 4 more without him. It isn't fair. It never is.  The years will continue to pass, and I will never forget how I felt the day I married him.

I miss you, Brian, now and always!