Royal Memorial!

I want to thank all of you who have checked in on me, despite my lack of posts over the last several months. I think I needed a break from the heartache of melanoma, on top of the fact that I have been very busy. Tye brought the sunscreen station to school for field day, and I thought to myself that I needed to update. I will update my other blog also, but for this blog, I wanted to update on the upcoming Memorial weekend.

Tye has been talking about Daddy a lot lately. I think he just wants to know more about him. He asks me funny questions like...did he used to hold me? and how tall was he when he was a little boy?

He and I had some time a few weeks back, and I asked if he wanted to go to the cemetery to check on Daddy's grave and make sure everything was cleaned up for Memorial Day.

What's Memorial Day? So I told him it was a special weekend that we can leave special things at Daddy's garden to remember how much we love him. I also told him that some others who love Daddy too might come to the cemetery to leave flowers. He got super excited! The last several weeks have been a buzz and he has had all kinds of things to say. When Phillip and Denise came this week to the cemetery, she told me Tye told her on the phone that it is "Royals" weekend, and that it was where "my dad asked my mom to marry him." Tee hee!

We ran around Monday evening, trying to find something that looked nice for Daddy, and not for old people. We went to the store and got two pinwheel spinners, one with flags on it for Daddy, and a hot pink one for my mom's grave. We were in line, and Tye was blowing on them. As we checked out, the lady said...is that one for you and the other one is for your sister? And Tye looked at her and said...nope, this one's for my dad and that one is for her mom, they are both dead so we are taking them to the cemetery. The clerk looked like she might drop dead of embarrassment, but I just smiled. It is what it is. She responded by telling him she thought they would look really nice and she bet they would spin really well out in the wind.

Some of his questions are much harder to deal with. That night he asked it all. Did it hurt when he died? Does he have a new body? Is his other body buried in the dirt?

That reminds me of a conversation I haven't told on here that took place several weeks ago...I had my nephew Zeke (also a kindergartner) and Tye at Walmart, and I said we needed sunscreen. We headed across the store, and Tye bluntly said...my dad is dead. Zeke said...yep, I know. Tye said...he had a mole that made him sick. Zeke...Oh! really? Tye...not a hedgehog or a skunk, but a mole.

Huh! So we stopped dead in our tracks and regrouped.

Me: It was not a mole, as in a little animal!

Tye: I know, I know.

So I am thinking to myself, does he have a sick sense of humor? Or does he even realize what he said? I resolved myself that it is a matter of him being a little boy in a situation most kids don't have to deal with. Later that night, he asked me...so did the mole get in his brain. We had a long talk about moles and how Daddy had an unhealthy mole, and lot of other details about melanoma.

Also typical...when my kid puts on sunscreen, he almost always says...I'm putting this on so I don't get melanoma, right? He did comment the other day that Daddy didn't wear his sunscreen, so we had yet another talk about melanoma and genetics and how we take good care of our bodies.

Friends have asked me if this is hard. It is very hard. But I honestly think it is easier to let him just ask and say what he feels. Like the clerk at the store, I could have said any number of things, but I just smiled and let the conversation be a natural one, without the tension or any feelings that we shouldn't be talking about this. Being that open sets me up for some awkward comments and situations, but I believe it is the healthiest thing for Tye. It gives me the chance to support him, to explain things, and to correct things that might be wrong.

Tye has changed a lot. He isn't the 4 year-old little boy that watched Daddy deteriorate and die. That little boy just accepted that instead of being bound to a bed, then comatose, then dead...he is now 6 and wanting to know some things. I am thankful in some ways that my heart has had some time to heal, so I can help him instead of being a mess. Monday out of the blue he said...do you miss your mom? I almost lost it. It is interesting how things have shifted with him, as I have shared so much and we have supported each other in losing our parents. It is amazing the support a 6 year-old can give to an adult, as we have this common bond, regardless of our age gap.

I need to close for now. I wish you all a Royal Memorial weekend.