Determined to Keep Fighting

Melanoma keeps ticking away at precious lives, at a rate of at least one per hour. The very word melanoma sends chills down my spine, causes my head to soar and my heart to skip a beat. I find myself full of anger. I feel guilty, ashamed almost, that at the pool yesterday, in seeing so many tanned bodies, I thought to myself...nothing will probably happen to them, why not them? I realized last night it isn't that I WANT others to be inflicted with melanoma, it is just that realization that it happened to us, while others blatantly ignore the warnings. Sometimes, as crazy as it is, I wish I could just give others a taste of the sadness and despair, the loneliness of missing Brian, and maybe they would really see.

I swore I would keep fighting. I found with our battle that melanoma has sucked me in. I am drawn to the stories of others fighting. I am probably one of the ones doing the most celebrating when others are beating melanoma, even though I would give anything for Brian's body to have responded to the treatment, I am thankful that some out there are beating the beast! I am pulled in to the sadness of others, losing the battle. I am devastated over and over again by those who have lost their earthly battle. Each story pours salt in the wounds of losing Brian.

I want to start a foundation. I can't. I can't possibly justify being Tye's only parent, and also being a single parent to the girls, and spending hours upon hours working on a foundation to save others. I spent every moment of every day trying to save my husband, and for that, I have no regrets. But my living, breathing children need me, and so the possibility of a foundation sits in the back of my mind for now.

Out of that desire grew the idea of a sunscreen station. Notice in the picture how I put Brian's name as large as could be. I am determined to keep his memory alive. Gone are the days of hearing his name. I am thankful to those who keep his memory alive in whatever way. The other day I got mail for Brian at my new address. For a moment I thought, jeez, he never even lived here. Then I smiled and thought...he is always connected to me, even if it is through junk mail!

Below is a picture of the sunscreen station. So far it has been a part of the St. Gregory's golf tournament and the Abrielle Neff Foundation Celebration of Children. If you have an outdoor event in the Maryville area that would benefit from a sunscreen station, please contact me. I love getting the word out. Thanks to the Mollie Biggane Melanoma Foundation for the wallet-sized skin exams. I got a lot of thank you's regarding the sunscreen station at both events. Several people used the sunscreen and a few even sent me notes saying it was a great tribute to Brian. I may have to buy stock in a few sunscreen companies after this, but at least people are taking notice.