SOLD!

Just a quickk update for now. Thank you for all those who have sent your prayers my way. I rested well last night, at least once I got to sleep! My head was spinning, thinking of when we designed the house and how excited we were. I want to sell the house, yet it is bittersweet. I closed my eyes and prayed that God would just take care of things. I am long past worn out in trying to control any and all aspects of my life, and instead surrendered myself to Him long ago.

I woke this morning and decided I wasn't going to budge on the closing date. I talked to my realtor, who let me know that the buyer was willing to keep the May 1st closing date I had agreed to. And in a flash, it was over...SOLD!

I've messed around with fax machines this afternoon, trying to get all the paperwork to me and signed and back to the right place.

I seriously can't believe this has happened on Good Friday! The Lord truly does work in mysterious ways. My faith has been so shaken, and I have worked tirelessly over the last few years to keep myself pointed towards the cross, towards Brian, towards Heaven, towards an eternity in Paradise. When I step back and look at myself, I realize I never have been in the mindset of NOT believing. I have never wanted to turn my back on Him. I just have felt such a ferocious wind blowing in my face, a feeling beyond my control that pushed me backwards, while still keeping me facing forwards. Does that make sense? It's like I'm traveling in a forward motion, but lately not going anywhere, but still in the position to keep moving forwards.

Today it feels as if the wind is dying down, like it is just a gentle breeze on my face. I feel close to Brian, like he is taking care of me. I can imagine him standing at God's side and asking Him to take care of this burden.

I don't want to ever come across that I am now a believer since my house sold. I was never a non-believer. My faith is still shaken. I just seem to be finding a few breaths of fresh air here and there, so anticipated, some unexpected. Three days ago, not much was happening with the house, and now the papers are signed and delivered. Now my prayer is just for a swift and uneventful 3 weeks and a smooth transition. My prayers have changed over the past few years. I pray more for peace and for God's will, for acceptance of whatever He has planned for me...for me to quit thinking I know what is best for me. So I never really prayed last night for the house to sell, just to let me not get all stressed out, and to take care of me.

And He did.