Sigh...

Over the last year, I have said little about the sale of my other house. I have tried so hard to just turn it over to God, with the belief that He will find the right family to make that special house a home. Promising things were happening over the past few days, and now this afternoon, things are back to looking grim. The potential buyer wants possession by April 26, and I have a tenant living there. My tenant is being just amazing and doing all she can to help me, but this is nearly impossible. Originally, the contract read May 1st, which was bad news but feasible. I keep telling myself that maybe this is not the right family for this special place. I am again back to letting God take care of it.

Stay calm.

Breathe.

Sigh.

On a positive note, another serious buyer is looking at it tomorrow, so if this falls through, all is not lost.Life can be so stressful.

I had a warm, fuzzy feeling today, thinking how this was panning out right now, so close to Good Friday. I spent last Holy Thursday night making ink thumbprints of Brian on some items he had asked me to do, but time was slipping away. Everyone went to bed and I stayed up all night, sitting with Brian, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, telling him it was ok to go. I told him I would be ok, that I would take care of the kids, and that I loved him so much that I didn't want him to keep suffering. It was a night of constant tears, no break in the pain...a pain that was multi-layered. Pain for what I was losing, pain for the lost dreams, pain for Brian's suffering, pain in knowing that the moments I had feared were here. We were down to each breath, and I was clinging to each moment with him, loving him. Those were the most heartbreaking moments of my life.

So as my mind has swayed over the past few days between Holy Week 2008 and 2009, I have thought it quite interesting that maybe the house issue was being taken care of, kind of like a transition. I thanked God for helping me keep my faith and for doing what I trusted Him to do, take care of things. I have actually talked to Brian a lot this week, and had several people mention today that it is almost like Brian is up there trying to get things taken care of for me.

And then things changed tonight. I read this thought in another blog recently...God is still the same today as He was a year ago, as He was at the beginning of the week when the house was getting no action, as earlier this morning when things looked nearly like a done deal. HE was not worried or frustrated. So I will pray tonight for God's grace, for the peace my heart longs for, for the pain of the past year to turn down a different path.

I'll take some extra prayers from anyone willing to give them. I also ask prayers for Linda, David, Jen, Stellan, and Jonah. I have other things to say about Good Friday, and I might later.