Widowhood 101

Yesterday I had my first experience of being called a widow to my face. I'm sure many of you all know I'm a widow and think that, but no one ever has said it to me. I was ordering some flowers for my grandma to be at the nursing home when she arrived today. My dad is moving her there this morning. The lady was checking me out. I told her who the flowers were for. We chatted, then she said...are you Brian's w...w... I glanced up just as was going to respond to "are you Brian's wife". And she said...are you Brian's widow? She even kind of stumbled around with the word, like maybe she didn't think I look like a widow or I shouldn't be a widow at 35 years old, or I shouldn't be a widow chasing a 4 year old around the store.

So I took a deep breath and said...yes. There was a huge lump in my throat. Then she told me that she remembered when he died, and she was so sad, and she helped get lots of flowers ready for his service. She also told me that she has been going to have a mole checked and she has had her daughter checked too. She told me she would be thinking of our family over the holidays.

My head was kind of spinning. I wasn't sure what I was thinking. So when I got out to the van, I just sat there for a minute. My strongest feeling was having the word "widow" echo in my head. But on the other hand, it felt good that she recognized me (I did not recognize her), that she associated me with Brian. I would rather have her say something to me than wish she had, or say something after I walked off. I was glad to hear that she had heard our melanoma story and had taken it seriously. Mostly I was glad that she brought Brian up to me.