A year ago today is when it hit both of us that the beast was not playing fair and was taking Brian down. This was the day that his right side started showing signs of weakness. It was the day he and I finally realized this was going to kill him. Maybe it is why I snapped these pictures. He's still smiling, which is amazing because he was quickly losing function on the right side that day. It was the day we first put our house on the market, and he kept saying...what is wrong with me? Then later...why am I so weak? Then finally...I know it is in my brain again.
We knew. We kept fighting. We lived and loved.
I missed him so much at the swim meet today. I remember last year at Auburn. Tye was a complete handful (still awful busy today, but more manageable than last year). I was in a fog, Brian's mom was with him, and I remember just standing at the side of the pool and thinking that he would never see Tye race across the pool.
I was right. I knew I was right. I prayed I wasn't right.
Tye has drug all of his farm things out into the living room. He is playing cows and has loaded and unloaded the trailers several times. I sat and watched and listened. Pretty soon one of the cows was saying "I can't find my daddy". That perked my ears. Then I heard "it is too far, your dad is too far" and "why can't I see him". I had to stop him. Are you ok, I asked him. Yes, he said...I just miss my dad. Then the farm life continued. It was sad, heartbreaking.
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