Saturday Trials

Today has been a day. I'm not sure where to start.

The angels came for little Ethan today, and it is hard not to be somewhat relieved that his suffering is over, in the midst of the empathy I feel for his family and friends. Keith continues to hang on, and things are ok for today with him. One day at a time...

Today proved to be one of Brian's hardest to date. The early morning hours were nearly hell, as we were unable to find him any comfort. I realized around 4am that he had pulled the needle out of his port, which I am sure had only recently happened. I gave him some long acting pain meds and called the nurse in the morning to come reaccess it. Around 1pm, he started in again with another bought of pain we couldn't get on top of, and I had to call the hospice nurse to come back. When it was all done, they had upped his pain pump and also upped the breakthrough pain meds. He had about 3 hours in the afternoon that were just excruciating, and it was very difficult to see him in so much pain. He had some boughts of confusion in his talk, and it is unclear what is causing this, but an obvious downhill slide. I do wonder how long he will hold out like this, as this has been his longest continuous stretch of being in this type of condition.

He had a visit tonight from a childhood friend, Darrel, and his mom. He brought pictures of he and Brian at a Royals game in 1982 (they were 10 years old). They waited to get George Brett's autograph, and he stopped signing just before it was their turn. For any of you who don't know, Brian is a huge Royals fan...always faithful, even when they stink. Anyway, Darrel brought Brian a baseball autographed by George Brett, and it brought tears to Brian's eyes, and the rest of us in the room too. It was very thoughtful and sentimental, and I know it meant a lot to Brian.

Todd and Jamie and Trace left this evening after staying the night and all day. I know it was hard for them to see Brian like this, but it means a lot to us that they were here. It was difficult for Brian to watch them leave. Brian's dad will be here in the morning, and Denise is still here, and probably staying for a while. Hopefully this time we will have the pain under control, and Brian can start to feel better and enjoy the company.

Tye enjoyed Horton Hears a Who with Barb and Brooklynn, and he has been all excited tonight to tell us everything. It made for a nice break for Tye, and something to look forward to.

Thank you for your prayers. I say that so often, but I hope you all know how much I mean that. Things are very difficult right now, and seem to just be progressing downhill. I want to spend each moment with Brian, and I have this feeling of desperation that the time is just slipping away. Please promise me that you all will remember Brian's battle and Brian himself, regardless of the time that passes.

Jenni