Today Not as Expected

Well, once again, melanoma swooped in and ruined our plans for the day. We didn't even WANT to go to St. Joe again this week, but had vowed to make the best of it. I had a few things I needed to pick up for school, and we had decided to venture out to eat. I suggested the new Olive Garden, one of our favorites...but Brian wanted to stick with ole' faithful...Carlos O'Kelly's, since we haven't eaten there for so long. He has even told me a few times that he wanted it for supper, and I seriously thought I might have to drive to St. Joe to get it! So we both had our hearts set on a date (pathetic, I know, but it could have counted).

Brian woke up around 6:30 this morning with a splitting headache. I got his pain meds right away, and could tell he had a fever (100.5). By 8am it was 101.5, so I gave Tylenol. He was moaning from the headache, and we both decided it wasn't the best idea to load him up and go to St. Joe. Plus, I'm not a doctor, nor do I pretend to be one, or even pretend to 1/2 know what I'm talking about always...but his back looks good. It did open up more, but seems to be healing from the inside out. The fluid is still clear, no signs of infection or redness. The drainage seems to have decreased some. They are still wanting to see him, so we'll attempt to go next Monday (the wound specialist is only in on Monday mornings, as he does surgeries the rest of the time).

The hospice nurse came to check him out. By then, the temp was more around 99. His pulse was high, typical of someone with a fever. His breathing was somewhat labored, but that seems to be better now, since he is dozing off and that headache is getting better. The port seems to be giving the home health nurses the run around...again they had trouble getting it to flush once it was accessed (the needle had to be changed today). Once they did get it, that saline went into his spinal fluid, which added to the headache. I do think he is resting comfortably now. He is up and dressed, saying he thought it might make him feel better, and I agree that maybe it did.

We skipped the bath this morning in hopes of letting him rest and not get too jostled.

I just have to say it, even if it sounds whiny and like...poor me. I have simply been amazed by the number of times special moments have been stolen from us. I could make a list so long about the times something was planned that was ruined by melanoma...ruined for Brian, for me, for the kids, for our family. It is almost like there is no mercy, like we just should have stayed down for the count instead of getting kicked again. Brian finally decided he was up to going to the New Theatre, and wanted to have his parents come along. But there are no available accessible tables to seat 4, or even have us be close...what a disappointment. I have a few other ideas on that, and we'll see how it works out.

I better stop ranting or I could go on forever...

Thank you for your prayers today and always. Brian and I are both a little miffed at God right now. We still continue to find peace and comfort in Him, regardless. This morning right after the nurses left, Brian started kind of getting panicky about his head. Then his right arm started to tremor, and it was really going. He was feeling really scared, and I was holding his hands and talking to him. I had a feeling this might turn into a full blown seizure. He said, say a prayer with me. So I closed my eyes and we started saying the Our Father. As the words continued, the shaking began to weaken, and by the time we said Amen, it was over. I am greedy though, it is never enough. If He can do this for us, why...why! would He not just heal this poor man's body and let us share our love together and with our family? Why? This seems to be the most difficult part of our faith right now. We can only continue to believe and know that the reward for trusting in Him will one day come.

Jenni