Busy Morning, Needed Distraction

Busy, busy, busy! I wouldn't necessarily consider it to be a good distraction, but the busy morning has preoccupied my mind and put me in a "get something done" mode. I am a planner, and it seems most of this can't be planned. I don't even want to know the plan.

But there are details and responsibilities that I have that at least make me productive right now. I suppose that is good right now, considering I feel like a complete failure now that we have agreed that we can't kill this cancer. I know there is no blame. I, probably better than anyone, really understand what all has been done. Hours upon hours of research...I have tried to be a sponge, to soak up all information, in hopes of being Brian's best advocate. I didn't plan to be his caregiver. I thought the "in sickness and in health part" would include holding a bowl while he threw up with the flu, definitely not what I have been expected and needed to do. But I approached this as a way for me to show Brian just how much I love him. And for that, I feel I've succeeded.

Our phone has rung off the hook this morning. Sometimes I've even been on my cell phone, and my home line is ringing. I always am pulled in so many directions, and there never seems to be enough of me. So what goes on in a home when this process of transition starts?

It started last night when I unpacked from the hospital. I'm still not done, but I had to start somewhere. We have so so so many supplies, and they were all in several boxes in our room and about 5 bags from the hospital. I reorganized these to put like items together, and I hope it will make things easier. I need to finish that here in a few minutes.

Well, the first call this morning was from my sister. She works at DirecTv and I have requested an additional TiVo to ease some stress in our home, caused by Brian being stuck upstairs with the only TiVo in the house, and choosing to watch football 24/7, or if not, he's watching dvd's of the past seasons of 24; plus he has other shows like the Price is Right that are musts for each day. That doesn't mesh real well with young children wanting to watch Backyardigans, Zach and Cody, and Hannah Montana, among other shows. On top of it, Brian decided a few months back to switch and bring the nicer t.v. upstairs, and send the old one down to the family room. The problem is that that t.v. doesn't have the proper hookups for the dvd player. So the kids are sunk downstairs with anything fun. I'm going to fix that, and I think there is a way to get some hookups to connect the t.v. and dvd player too.

Next came Premier Bathrooms. Brian inquired about one of those bathtubs that has the little door to get in and out of, and they keep calling us. Denise recently told them that we were selling our house, so we wouldn't be putting one in. Even so, they called today, twice, and Brian caught them the second time to say we aren't interested.

Next came my dad, calling to check on our mail. He'll probably be mad that I put this on the blog, but he backed into our mailbox last night when he was leaving after being here to get Brian upstairs in the wheelchair. More salt in the wound...here he is, giving of himself and dropping everything to help us, and he gets added work. I told him not to worry, that I had nearly hit it several times, and that we were even now...I backed into his nifty trash storage area on the side of his driveway right after he built it. It held together pretty well! The mailbox is fixed for now, so we're set.

Then came the home health nurse. I filled her in on what was going on. I was able to go ahead and visit with Elda from hospice, even though they were still waiting on Brian being enrolled. My call waiting beeped while we were talking, and it was the University of Missouri. Go Mizzou, by the way! I finished my visit with her, and am feeling very good about their role in all of this, and in helping me help Brian and help my kids. Back to me being a planner, if I can't control that this is happening, I feel good to know I can control how we approach it and how we spend our time.

Yep, the University number was Dr. Anderson. He had just been on the phone with Home Health to enroll Brian in hospice, probably while I was talking to them also. We will probably have a home visit in the next day or so. He tried through St. Francis to get the epidural, which wasn't possible. He said they were very helpful to him to direct him to the Heartland Pain Management Clinic in St. Joe. He wasn't surprised that St. Francis couldn't do this, as the University of Missouri couldn't either. We originally planned to go this afternoon, but there are details that need to be worked out with preauthorization with insurance, which should not be a problem. It just seemed to be stretched for time, and we definitely don't want to take Brian down to St. Joe and come home without the pain pump. So we're scheduled for Friday morning, and by then, all other details should be in place, including how we are getting the medicine and so forth. I kind of hoped it would be taken care of so we could do something for our anniversary tomorrow...

The rest of the time was spent taking care of bills, and scheduling my massage that my dad gave me for Christmas...also getting counselors set up for the girls, and getting a haircut set up for Amberlea. The phone continued to ring, some calls for Brian with encouragement and support.

Now it is noon, and I realize I still need to get ready for the day and take care of Brian's dressing changes. I will sign off for now. Tye is headed back home in the next few hours.

Hope your day goes well.
Jenni