I Hate This #$%@#$% Disease!

It has been a rough day. Brian has taken a turn down a road we all hoped and prayed that he would never travel. I am going to share this info with you, but please know that I will never stop praying and keeping hope that he will get better, no matter what.

Current Condition: severely dehydrated, some bladder incontinence (may be caused by other medications) but have ruled out a bladder infection and have diagnosed it as an overactive bladder, not eating (which I've been posting about for a week or so, and it isn't any better), fever holding steady around 100.5-101.5, lots of pain mostly in the hip area and leg, large melanoma on the upper right back discovered today...appears very deep, bed sore on the tailbone and some starting other places, cotton mouth, slight case of thrush in the mouth, fatigue and weakness, and the latest is that the blood cultures drawn in Maryville indicate a staph infection. We checked him into the hospital in Columbia after seeing Dr. Anderson today, which we both expected.

He's a mess physically. He is doing ok emotionally, as best as you could expect . He is scared, we all are. I have no idea how long we will be here. We have a lot to get under control before he can be ready to leave.

I can't stop crying. I not going to feel bad about crying all the time. I love this man, and I want to grow old with him and love him and be loved by him.

I borrowed the words below from Amy Wilhoite's blog. She always amazed me how faithful she was, and I am trying to draw from how I was touched by her life and battle. I believe the words are a song...

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Tune in tomorrow when I recount the day we met, Nov. 10th, 2001.

I continue to pray tonight for the Great Physician to intervene, to show His hand in this, to take away Brian's pain while letting him stay here with us.

Jenni