I watched last night's episode. I have to say that I am somewhat thankful that I didn't have a vested interest in the characters since I hadn't watched the show for a long duration, because it was hard enough to watch as it was. I have lots of things to say, so here goes...
- IL-2 is the treatment that Brian was on in the summer and fall of 2006. He went to the hospital from Monday-Friday, then was home for a week, then back again M-F. He then took off about 5 weeks and rescanned. In Brian's case, not much had changed, so we continued this cycle for another two rounds. He was able to take 9 bags of IL-2 all 4 times he was there. This was the stuff that made him very sick. He was checked into the hospital, not outpatient, because of the severity of the side effects. He vomited, had diarrhea, fevers and severe chilling, and he was basically comatose most of the time. He took as many bags of drugs as his body would allow, and stopped usually because his kidneys were shutting down or because he had such severe diarrhea that they wanted him to stop. This also caused hallucinations. When he was home between treatments, he was tired, but felt pretty decent otherwise.
- His hair thinned some, but never fell out the way Izzy's did. This has been a topic with my cyber friends, and most of them have said they did not lose their hair, although a few of them did.
- I am not sure what exactly Allison was having done, but she acted like she was there receiving her IL-2 treatment. I am guessing there might be some variations of how the drugs are administered, but I am surprised to have seen her in an outpatient room getting this particular treatment.
- I think it was totally Hollywood-ized on how Alex acted about the DNR. They are doctors, for God sakes. It will be unrealistic in my opinion for Izzy to survive. A stage 4 cancer patient does have a lot to think about when it comes to considering a DNR. I remember Brian just telling them he didn't want to be stuck forever like he was or be a vegetable, and if his body was that worn out, it was time. I can totally understand Alex's desperation to do something. I think the other doctors should have respected her wishes on the DNR, especially because she herself is a doctor and knew what she was doing. She will probably survive and they'll be glad they did, and I just don't think that is the case in real life. In real life, those doctors would have been realistically thinking, what are we bringing her back to?
- I only cried briefly. Most of the time was spent in awe of being on the outside, looking in. I caught myself not breathing a few times, just taking it all in, the language, the scene, the pain.
- So what caused the tears? Well, I did indeed cry when they kept shocking her over and over again. It made me think about the moment that Brian died. I had this crazy thought run through my head for a second, just thinking that I was not ready and I wanted to go back. At the same time knowing he was gone, I was thinking I should be doing something to save him.
- The rest of the tears, lots of them, came when Alex was yelling at Izzy. Both times. The first time, he had told her to do what she wanted to do, and when she chose not to have the surgery, he yelled at her and told her she was indeed going to. I felt a lot of anxiety over that scene. I was happy to think that I never forced Brian to do anything. I could feel Alex's desperation, yet I felt he was being selfish. I also had a lot of months to realize this was happening and to choose to love Brian though it all. So when he was ready to stop fighting, I supported him. If things happened quickly, I might have reacted differently. And then the second time, when she couldn't remember...that was even worse. He was telling her it was his life that was affected too.
- Izzy: I'm tired. I need a break.
- Alex: You don't think I need a break? Suck it up.
- Izzy: Back off. I'm sorry if this is hard for you, but you aren't the one with the short term memory of a carrot.
- Alex: I'm kind of screwed. Not as bad as you, but not a walk in the park either.
- Screwed! That is totally how I feel, how I've always felt. I struggled so much to share how I felt because I never wanted to make it sound like I had it worse than Brian. My fears became my reality. I live this every day. I don't get to walk away from it or take a break from it. I had to suck it up and just watch Brian physically wither into nothing. I was so screwed! This pain seems to be what hurts the most, that we had our lives stolen from us. Even now, I can hardly see though the tears to type this because it makes me so angry. I am tired of being a widow and an only parent. I am tired of being alone. But I am mostly tired of being without Brian, and there is no end in sight for that. I am doomed to a life of missing him forever. And it hurts so much to miss him.
- When I watched Izzy talk about dying, it reminded me of Brian. She said if she couldn't be here, she wanted to be on the other side. I know he didn't want to leave me and the kids. I think he came to accept that his wishes were not what God had planned, and he longed for and looked forward to the day he could be free of the suffering. For that, I am thankful.
- For the most part, the whole story line has been quite realistic for a t.v. show. There are some long term survivors of melanoma out there, and for them I always want to keep hope. New treatments are on the horizon. But if Grey's wants to really do a service to its viewers, they will let Izzy die, as most melanoma patients advanced to her condition do. They will do PSA's about skin checks and sunscreen. And they will have let people know that "just skin cancer" can kill.
- And the hummingbird reference in Izzy's conversation with Allison? I think if someone did their research, it was a reference to this Wings of Hope story, as the hummingbird has become of symbol to many fighting melanoma.
My favorite line actually came from Meredith...I think it's important to take the time to tell the people you love how much you love them while they can hear you.
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