America, Land that Jacob Loves (and Us Too!)

Well, my little brother has landed safely back on American soil and made his way from Detroit to Kansas City tonight. He said that he left Dornbirn when it was daylight, and it had been daylight for like 24 hours for him since he was flying west. He said it had been a pretty long day when I talked to him just after he left the airport this evening. He was stopping with Dad and Rosie for a big steak and hoping to put on a few pounds that he lost eating European food! Anyway, we are thankful he is home safely. It will be an adjustment for him, getting used to Brian being gone. Heck, it is an adjustment for all of us. He left for Austria on Feb. 21 and Brian was feeling pretty good. It was hard for him to really have any closure. Brian was proud of him for taking this challenge and going.

I want to say that I am sorry for taking so long to update this time. I realize it has been almost a week now. I have been so busy. Being so busy exhausts me. I know I probably sound like a wimp, but I am not used to being so busy all the time. I have enjoyed doing things at my own pace for several months, and although I know it is time to get things going again, it is quite an adjustment. It is also a good distraction. I sometimes don't have time to even stop and think, which keeps me from missing Brian and feeling sad. I have battled some insomnia again, which I think is coming from not being able to stop a minute and think, then when I get in bed, my mind just runs wild.

I was exhausted this morning. I had what felt like the longest dream. There wasn't a lot of substance to it, but there were lots of details. My house had storm damage, but it was the house I grew up in, but it had a big fenced-in backyard like my yard now. A truck was sitting on the roof. I spent the whole day making vegetable soup for all the people working on my house, and I swear I can remember peeling every single carrot and potato. So by the time I woke up this morning, I felt like I had worked all night! Combine this with about 6 hours of sleep, and it took me a little bit to get going this morning!

I will post pictures soon. I have several with Tye from the 4th of July, plus I want to post pictures of all 3 kids at the new house. I closed yesterday. Sunday was a day full of tears and pitter patters of my heart. I worked on packing my room and kept finding love notes from Brian. Did I ever mention how much I loved being married to him? I found the note he sent with flowers last fall when school started. I found the one he sent me on Tye's first birthday, thanking me for "little man." There were many more that I will forever treasure.

I also sorted some of his clothes. I have found it all to be an odd feeling. I'll start out all gung ho, thinking this is silly to be keeping things, and start pitching or sorting or moving things...then as the minutes pass, my heart starts to get heavy and the reality sets in, and then I stop. The little bursts of reality have worked real well for me to get rid of some things and at least get some other things sorted or packed at least to be sorted later.

Yesterday, all in all, was a good day. I find myself always wondering what Brian would think, and I feel like he would be proud of me, and that he would really like this house. My day started with flowers from a close friend, congratulating me and telling me she was thinking of me. It set me off for a good day, especially after a bit of a rough one on Sunday. Thanks Jill! Then today, while I had sweat dripping off my brow and we were loading the kitchen boxes into the back of the truck, we received a candy bouquet full of candy bars. I was thinking, gosh, people just take such good care of us! The card is quite fitting...WE HOPE YOU AND THE KIDS HAVE A SWEET TIME IN YOUR NEW HOME! and it is from the previous owners. It made me feel warm and fuzzy, and I haven't felt that warm and fuzzy feeling for quite a while. It has been very emotional for me to move forward and work to create a home for me and the kids. Anyway, it was very thoughtful and just made me feel even more like this will be a special place for us. Thanks Larry and Sherri!

Now if we can all survive the next few days of buckling down and moving. Luckily, Denise is here and she is on a mission to get this house packed. She is motivating me, and has been very patient with me when I don't know what to do next or I am tired of packing! Ha! She and Rachel are going to unpack the kitchen tomorrow and hopefully get it to a functional level. Rachel would like to pack one box, move it, unpack it, etc. I would prefer to only have one house trashed, as this one is now, instead of having the mayhem spread out to two houses!

I mentioned a few weeks back that Tye was really struggling with Daddy being gone. He seems to be doing better, but he is adamant that Daddy is coming back on an airplane tomorrow. I have told him over and over again, and he just keeps saying...don't be sad, my Dad's coming back. I guess he's in the denial stage now. He'll just smile and keep saying it over and over. When he found out Jacob was coming home on a plane today, he told me again about Daddy. He seems less worried and anxious, and I guess for now it feels good to keep saying that. I always tell him I wish Daddy could come back and that I miss him too. One of his favorite things to do after a shower is to come in and have me smell his hair and tell him he smells like Daddy. He just lights up when I say it, and I am reminded of how blessed I am to have a part of Brian with me every day.

Thank you for checking on us. I appreciate your continued prayers. I am getting strength from somewhere, and I thank you all for being here for me and the kids.

Stay Cool.
Many blessings,
Jenni