We are moving.
I am very excited.
It is hard to get excited.
Our house has been on the market mostly for the last 13 months. Brian and I chose to pull it off back in February so we could keep Brian in our home we made together, so we could still be here together as a family. The intention was there to move, and it is still there.
Some people have said things like...I can see you would want to move since Brian died there.
On the contrary, that is probably one of my biggest hold ups. I am reluctant to let anyone else live here in the sacred place, where Brian went to Heaven and where special tears of love were shed. I have to admit, the moment the funeral home guys carried Brian out of here, I knew I couldn't stay here. I just told myself I would go when the time was right.
And now it feels right.
The girls are very excited. As Rachel said, being in our home now just feels like someone in our family is missing. The environment is basically the same, our surroundings feel the same, and Brian is a huge void in our lives. Our routine is often the same. It is difficult for us all. We are taking all of our memories of Brian with us and creating a new home and a new life together.
So we have started the task of packing the whole house. What an undertaking! Especially hard is sorting through my life for the last 5 years...I plan to take as long as I want with Brian's things. Some things I am ready to move, some to get rid of, most to keep. I figure I will deal with his things in stages. Everything was important to him, so it makes it difficult to want to get rid of anything. It isn't in my way and makes me feel good to have reminders of him. I am trying very hard to take it easy on myself in this area, since I know it will be difficult no matter what I do.
Our new home will hopefully be a great place for the kids to grow up. It is less than 2 miles from where we live now, and just 3 blocks from my sister. We'll have a large, fenced in backyard, which I am really looking forward to for Tye and the girls. Tye wants a dog so bad, and I am hoping to break down and get one for the poor boy. He needs a dog. I want to get settled first, so we'll see. There is lots of room for us to each have our own space, plus room for visitors.
Surprisingly, even though the task is overwhelming, the challenge of sorting and packing our entire house does appeal to me. So much has gone undone for several years, and I don't regret taking the time for Brian and our family instead of spring cleaning and sorting clothes and papers, etc. But now I'm ready to dig into some of the piles that have accumulated over the years when I did not have time to take care of them. Hopefully we will be good and settled before school starts, as we'll be moving in a few weeks.
I ask your prayers tonight for a friend's sister-in-law who has had a recurrence of melanoma and will start chemo next week.
Many blessings for a great week,
Jenni
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2 comments:
I can totally understand how you feel. I went though the same thing when we were moving. I still have boxes and boxes to go though. Take your time and cry when you want to. I still do.
Love,
Suzan
www.kschallam.blogspot.com
I would like to ask for your prayers for my grandfather. He was recently diagnosed with melanoma at 79 years of age. Hes doing all he can but it is pretty widespread. He has had tumors removed from lymph nodes in his leg, his brain and is going to mayos soon for treatment of his lungs. I realize he has had a full and fairly long life but hes putting up the good fight. The drs told my dad to get aquainted with the hospice people in the area, but my mother an i are the only ones hes told because he doesnt want to take the fight out of his dad. Please remember him in your prayers.
Jason Bushnell
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