Melanoma and its effects...never cease to amaze and baffle me. Since I wrote yesterday, things have been up and down. Last evening was a rough one on me, as I could see Brian declining and feared the worst. His breathing was irregular, and he was basically unresponsive. I slept next to him and held my hand on his chest because I was so paranoid. My dad came to get the girls to take them to school this morning, and Brian opened his eyes and said...hi Paul.
Hmmm...
The rest of the day was spent with him sleeping a lot, but waking often, and anytime I tried to wake him. He is quite confused, or as he would say "befuddled". He says he just doesn't think things are right, that something is wrong. He seems to need me to talk real slow and have no commotion, and he's really observing what is going on. Every other sentence actually makes sense, so it is like he is in and out of reality. He is on a significant amount of pain meds, one of which was tripled today, so this is likely the reason, although it is no doubt that his mind is trying to figure out what his body is doing. He is not in any pain that I can see, probably the most comfy he's been since the first week of October, so at least we have accomplished that. Once he's feeling real good, we'll back some of the meds off.
I have talked to the kids about what is going on, and they are taking it ok. Amberlea just seemed to chuckle when he kept trying to figure out her dancing.
Hopefully this will lead to some nice, restful days for Brian.
Jenni
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4 comments:
Jenni,
I have been reading your blogs every day. My family prays for yours and hopes that one day your heart and mind will find peace. "Inch by inch life's a cinch, yard by yard life's hard." God bless you and your family.
jenni, saw this and thought of you - as always, you are all in my prayers - hugs g
Make Me Brave for Life
God, make me brave for life: oh, braver than this.
Let me straighten after pain, as a tree straightens after the rain,
Shining and lovely again.
God, make me brave for life; much braver than this.
As the blown grass lifts, let me rise
From sorrow with quiet eyes,
Knowing Thy way is wise.
God, make me brave, life brings
Such blinding things.
Help me to keep my sight;
Help me to see aright
That out of dark comes light.
- Author Unknown
Jenni,
Mom gave me this and I hope it helps you. I read it everyday:
"When you walk to the edge of all light and take a step into the darkness of the unknown, we must always remember that God will provide a platform for us to stand on or wings with which to fly.
You and Brian are in my prayers and also in my prayer group at church. God will bless you and your family.
Suzan
Jenni,
I've been reading your posts almost every day since Karis has kept me updated. We've been praying every night for God to heal Brian and to give your family comfort in this time of trial. I've forwarded on a prayer request to my brother's website, please check it out under "prayer requests" at www.toward-the-goal.net
You are an inspiration to me and my family through your strength and faith. There is never another day in my life that I will take my family for granted. Yours has taught me so much, through all of the years (the past 26 of them included!) May God bless you and your family, know that we are all praying for you.
Much love from the Spencer family in Japan... Jodie, Glynn, Madison and Brady
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