We rang in the New Year on speakerphone with the girls, counting down as the ball dropped. All evening we heard people...Happy New Year...have a great New Year...Happy 2008. Then right after midnight, Rachel told Brian Happy New Year...aren't you excited for a new year? It is odd, our perspective, compared to others.
Once again we have been pampered with love and kindness. Gayla took care of us both nights, and is just a wonderful nurse. We got to have Alice yesterday, the notorious Alice...we've actually never had her as our nurse, in all the times we've been here. She has been amazing, especially taking care of us and knowing what is happening. She is our nurse again today, and showed up this morning with champagne glasses and champagne (sparkling grape juice). Brian and I have decided to try to make 2008 the best year possible, full of wonderful memories and special moments like no other, full of love and being close. We are working to make as many days as we can in 2008 extra special.
Sounds like a romance novel. The tears are still there.
Dr. Miller was in this morning and reviewed his feelings on the CT scan. He told us there are several small pockets and a few bigger pockets of fluid...he is not convinced that is what is causing Brian's pain, they are very deep, and it would take an extensive surgery with orthopaedic to even get to these spots, and he feels the side effects and complications totally outway the benefits, if any. Plus, if our goal is to get all the pockets out, he doesn't think we can really get them all. He agrees with our decision to go home with hospice, and to get some kind of pain pump. The sadness was on his face...it was like all of Brian's surgeries flashed in front of us, the many moments he physically removed melanoma from Brian's body, in hopes of irradicating the disease, only to have it return. We are blessed to have had Dr. Miller on Brian's team, as his expertise and care have allowed Brian more time. He is saddened to see the time come to stop this line of assault, to try to heal Brian's body in the midst of this madness, instead of contributing to the damage. He believed back in February that if he removed the tumors, they would return. Yet, he gave Brian a chance, he gave our family a chance, to level the playing field, to get rid of the melanoma and try to start from scratch. Every scar on Brian's body other than the very first one (Dr. Miller wasn't his doctor in 2001) came at the gentle hand of Dr. Miller. I can never thank him enough for the excellent care he has given Brian and me too. His work was not in vain, as our battle surely would have ended much sooner if we had not done all the surgeries. I wish him and his family many blessings now and always.
So now we are waiting on the anesthesiology team to decide if they can take care of this pain block today. We should know more by noon, hopefully.
Let today be the start of something good,
Jenni
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5 comments:
You are all in our thoughts and prayers each and every day. God Bless you and your families and may he make this new journey in your lives as peaceful as possible.
Much love,
The Merrill Family
Brian & Jenni,
I don't even know what to say, except that I will keep you in my prayers for a peaceful walk during this difficult time. Jenni, you have been such an inspiration for the ideal caregiver. God's blessings for a peaceful 2008.
Nancy D
Jenni and Brian,
When I read your post, I had tears in my eyes. I know from your posts and other friends I have made from this horrible MM what I will face more than likely sooner than later. You are both in my prayers and thoughts daily and Keith and I send you love. Remember we are all in this fight and never know what the future will bring. My hope for 2008 is they find a cure to this horrible Mm that is taking so many friends, fathers, husbands and loved one from us. Thank you for allowing us in your lives. Prayer words. We both still have the men we love.
Love,
Suzan (wife of Keith - Stage IV)
What an inspiration you two are. After yesterdays post to come back with todays words is awesome. I hope that with the pain under control Brian and you will have many days, weeks, months to keep making memories. And we will never stop praying for the miracle. It can happen at any time.
Linda (mom to John)
Jenni & Brian - you have been much in my thoughts and prayers in the past months [Nina keeps me posted] but i'd not found this site - know that God brings us through what He brings us to - not the way and the direction we'd planned or hoped for always, certainly, but He will be there with you, always and unfailingly. May you know that you are surrounded by love and prayer through this time - hugs & blessings - gayle bond
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