Christmas Blessings Abound

Thank you for your prayers, especially over the past 24 hours. Brian had an uncomfortable night with a fever and more, but I was able to keep it under control, and he was feeling better by this morning. He slept in his hospital bed, while I slept on the couch...which caused a lot of questioning from Amberlea about Santa...did we hear or see anything? I reminded the girls when they went to bed last night (Amberlea slept down in Rachel's room) that they couldn't come up to see what Santa brought until it was daylight out. This rule was from my childhood, made after a Christmas in which we went to midnight Mass...Mom and Dad had only been in bed for less than 30 minutes when we got up at 4 a.m. to check things out. After that, the sun had to be up! Brian was in the perfect spot to see all three kids digging through their stockings, then opening their presents from us.

I've written some pretty heavy posts lately. I've blogged about what I miss, how this all makes me feel, and more insight into the insane devastation that melanoma has caused in our lives. Tonight I want to list the things I am thankful for.

Thank you to all those who helped make our Christmas extra special this year by helping financially...my 6th graders and their families, St. Gregory's faculty, staff and students, a few different groups from St. Francis Hospital (nurses, people from the lab, etc.), a couple of professional organizations, Maryville Middle School faculty, staff and students, the Mackey/Summa family, St. Gregory's Church. We were adopted by several other families and businesses, and we continue to be inundated with the showering of Secret Santas from near and far. Our Christmas cards have been stuffed full of goodies, and we appreciate the simple things that help make things easier for us.

Thank you to whoever dropped the gifts off at my dad's the other night. Please know that this was a special time for us, a time to feel close to my mom and each other. Thank you.

I will never be able to mention everything. I'm still going to attempt a list. Just know that nothing goes unnoticed by us, each kind gesture means so much.

...Marsha and Liz from home health...thank you for helping me to care for Brian, and for bringing laughs and good conversation into our home.

...housekeeping...thank you to you know who for providing us with the funds to have someone help clean our house. This is an obvious blessing, with 3 young kids and a husband who needs so much care.

...the gift certificates...wow! We have been showered by gift certificates, including Applebee's, Walmart, Burger King, Hy-Vee, Pagliai's, La Bonita, the Mandarin, Subway, Pizza Hut, KFC, McDonald's, Northwest Cellular, Casey's, Domino's, the Hangar...just to name the ones we've received recently!

...for the meals. I won't even start to be specific on the kinds of meals that have been brought into our home. This has been a blessing in itself. I battle being indecisive...I can't seem to decide what to wear or do or what to fix for meals...mostly because I'm so busy just being a mom and taking care of Brian, and also because my decisions right now are life and death, and what we are having for dinner seems petty. That makes the meals even more welcome and appreciated, as it has helped me be able to keep things running smoothly during a hectic time of the day.

...my dad. I can't even begin to list what he has done for me, and for Brian. Ranking right up there is the fact that he is in such good shape to be able to take Brian up and down the stairs in the wheelchair! What a workout! He has been at our beck and call whenever we need to get anywhere, and has helped so much in the physical part of caring for Brian. He has also been an unbelievable support for me personally. He brought the girls home from Christmas Mass last night, and brought Communion with him for the both of us. He makes a pretty good elf too!

...my sisters. They have been here for me every moment of this hell. Their support is unwavering, even in times when there is nothing that can be done or said to fix anything. They have done so much to help with the kids, and have tried to keep up with my emotional state as well, if that is possible!

...my brothers-in-law and my brother. They have really worked to support Brian, to help keep conversations feeling like normal guy stuff, and have helped physically to meet Brian's needs.

...Dan Walter for keeping my driveway and steps clear of snow. This eases the burden on my dad, and keeps us from being snowed in. Thanks Dan. Thanks also to others who have snuck over and done some scooping...I don't know who it has been, but you know, and I thank you.

...for the Snickers bouquet from Kathy and Mark...from a friend who knows what it is like to fight through chemo and battle the appetite issues. I had to buy an extra gallon of milk to go with the Snickers!

...for Tim and Abby, and the gift of loving your kids unconditionally and selflessly. This morning was simply perfect, with 3 excited kids and special memories that will last a lifetime, and was their idea to help make our Christmas morning a little easier. For all you out there who are divorced...if you put your kids first, you can make a difficult situation much easier and healthier for everyone. Again, thank you.

...for Brian's parents and family. You have been a great support system, and I can only hope you know how hard I have worked to care for Brian and try to help him get better. I thank you for listening, jumping in to help whenever, and for continuing to make the girls a part of the Halley family, as you always have. What a blessing.

...to my friend who keeps emailing...calling to see if Brian wants something for breakfast, dropping off gift cards in a snowstorm, giving me heartfelt gifts to help me face what is happening (same one who funded the housekeeping)...I can't thank you enough for the support and friendship you have given me during this most difficult time. I feel a loss socially, with the loss of our ability to go out and do things as a married couple and my loss of any Jenni time, with nearly every minute of the day devoted to caring for my kids and Brian; and your friendship is truly valued.

...to my friends at St. Gregory's, who have been a constant support system. They have helped me be able to return to work and act normal for a few hours a day, and enjoy conversations and life. What a Godsend.

...and to so many other friends of both of us. Brian is always getting calls from specific friends, Dots from MMS, ice cream from Duesing (Tye recognizes her truck now), and my friends who have checked on me at some of my lowest points. I've had a few tell me they don't know what to say to me, and I usually respond with the fact that there really isn't anything that can be said that will really make me feel any better. It has been great to know so many want to fix things and make us feel better, even though really only a miracle right now could do that.

...to Patty for treating me to haircare for the past several months. I always feel better when my hair looks good, and I appreciate her kindness in pampering me and letting me have some Jenni time!

...for the words of encouragement. We are always getting cards and notes, letting us know we are prayed for and loved, especially during this holiday season. Prayer is a powerful gift, and we are blessed to be a part of your prayers.

...for the Girls Scouts and several faculty from MMS. They came caroling after school the other day and surprised Brian and his mom here at home with songs of the season. Thank you for bringing some Christmas cheer into our home. Being a part of MMS is one of the things that Brian misses the most, and I thank you for bring MMS to him.

...for Linda and Jenny, Tye's teachers. He is having a really hard time right now, and we are blessed to have him be loved by these two wonderful women. Their patience and love makes Brian and I feel so much better about Tye having to deal with all of this. Tye wants a lot of Mommy time if I am at school, and they have been great to work with us and help him.

...for Jamie and Cathy, and all of Rachel and Amberlea's other teachers, and the other people at St. Gregory's who check on them regularly. We are blessed to have you on our journey.

...for Brian's doctor, who responded to emails yet again during family time...2 pm on Christmas day and again at 10pm Christmas evening. This is one of the reasons Brian and I feel so blessed to have Dr. Anderson in charge of Brian's care, and I continue to be thankful for his expertise. I suppose that seems odd, considering that he hasn't been able to cure Brian...but Brian and I know that our attempts have been far beyond what most patients get the chance for. We are also thankful for Dr. Miller, who is directly responsible for removing the melanoma from Brian's body so far, and has given us the chance to find a treatment that will work, and to have more time. We wish many blessings on them both during this holiday season and always.

...for all those involved in the research and study of melanoma, as well as other cancers. We hope and pray this information will save Brian, and continue to pray for a cure, regardless.

...for our friends at MPIP who have faced this same fate with dignity and grace, who have encouraged and supported us, who have cried and mourned with us, who have checked on us and prayed for us. We pray melanoma never squelch your spirit and determination.

...for Karis and my other subs, who have made things much easier on me at school.

...for Brian's sub, Beth, who has been able to step in and take care of things in Brian's absence.

...for those who have kept Brian up-to-date on school happenings. He seems so alive when he gets the chance to visit about school and shoot the breeze.

And of course, we thank Our Father in Heaven, for the gift of His only Son, sent to us to bring peace. May we all feel the gift of Christ's birth each day of the year.

I could go on and on. When I think of more, I'll just put them down the next time I write.

I know this is totally material, but I still want to tell you...Brian gave me an anniversary band for Christmas...our 5 year anniversary is on Jan. 3rd. I was shocked. He had a few little elf helpers. I got a little teary eyed, but all in all, I was able to hold it together today. I just tried to focus on being together today, instead of thinking about not being together in the future. I have given this over to God, and I believe only He can save Brian. I pray that God will bless Brian and our family in a special way, this year and always, as we seek the chance to share our future. I pray that God will heal Brian, as his suffering continues to worsen. I also pray for strength in facing the days ahead, and in making the right decisions for our family and for Brian. I pray that God might fill Brian with hope and strength to fight, and to face what lies ahead.

And I pray for you, reading this, who continue to check on us regularly. Thank you for walking with us on this winding road, one that seems to spiral downward, as we look to the Heavens for answers and comfort and guidance. You continue to do God's work by supporting us and loving us, and God continues to put in place all that we need. We pray for God to lay His healing hands on Brian and bring us the miracle that we so desperately need.

Peace,
Jenni