Our Story

As promised, here is our story, starting Nov. 10, 2001.

I am a 6th grade teacher at a Catholic School. I had been divorced for a little over a year and was raising Rachel (4 1/2) and Amberlea (21 mo.).

Brian had recently moved to Maryville to start teaching 7th grade at the middle school. That summer he had broken off an engagement, and soon afterwards learned that the nasty mole on the inside of his left calf was melanoma. He had surgery in early August before starting his new job a few weeks later. They cleared him of the disease, and he returned routinely for checkups.

Later in the fall his secretary, who has known me for years, helped set us up (my daughters' daycare provider was also involved in this scheme!). Brian called to see if I wanted to go out to dinner, and we had our first date on Sat., Nov. 10. We went to A&G and then to the movie K-Pax (not too great of a movie, but all that was on). We really enjoyed visiting, and found ourselves to have a lot in common. We both coached basketball, and obviously with both being middle school teachers, we really hit it off. Those of us who teach middle school know we are a one-of-a-kind species! I remember part of the conversation at dinner...I was in my 7th year of teaching. I said...how long have you taught? He said...2 years at Northeast Nodaway. And? All these thoughts ran through my mind, like did Cindy and Barb just set me up with someone who was 5 years younger than me...holy cow! He could see the distress on my face. He asked...how old do you think I am. I guessed 25...he was 29. I was relieved, and he went on to tell me that he originally got a degree in public relations and speech communications, before returning to college to pursue an education degree. Whew!

We chatted a few times that week, then decided the next weekend to go to Pagliai's and then home to watch a movie. Brian wanted to watch Frosty the Snowman, and I kind of wondered then what I was getting myself into. He had also not seen Shrek, so we decided to be goofy and rent both of them. I learned a lot about him that night!

The weeks that followed were almost like a dream. We could easily see we were falling in love with each other, and by Christmas we knew this was becoming something permanent, that we wanted to be together forever. Brian and the girls hit it off wonderfully, and he was a tremendous support to them and to me trying to raise them. We were a package deal, and he acted like they were just a bonus. I have always loved him more for how he has treated them.

He asked me to marry him in May at a Royals game. He had paid to have us on the big screen, and he had a sign stuck up his sleeve that said, "She Said Yes!" I guess he was pretty sure of himself. Well, it rained. And rained. And rained. We waited through an hour with an umbrella, and then they finally started the game. They made it 2 innings, then it rained again. We waited again, and then they finally called the game. It was time to get up and go, and he just sat there. Then he took out a little black box and popped the question. After I said yes, he showed me the sign...the marker was running all over from being wet!

We set our date for January 3rd, 2003. We planned a Friday evening candlelight ceremony, and it was simply beautiful. We had snowflakes hanging up at the dance, and we could not have been happier with how wonderful the day was.

In the midst of the wedding, our house was being built. We moved in May, and were just getting settled when I found out I was pregnant...surprise! Kind of a surprise anyway, I thought it would be a little longer. Tye was born on Feb. 2nd, 2004 and joined his sisters with February b-days (Rachel on the 4th and Amberlea on the 16th).

Things were normal, crazy, wonderful, exciting.

I will never forget the day the beast reared its head. Brian had been for a checkup in Jan. 05, and returned to have a few moles removed in Feb. and a wider margin in early March. That in itself just scared me.

Ironically, it was April Fool's Day. We had decided to grab a bite for dinner, and were driving along when he started...I have something to tell you. I found a lump on my thigh. What?! I freaked out. How long has it been there? A little while, not long. He went on to tell me that at school that day, he felt a sharp pain in his thigh. He went to check it out with the nurse, and they took a closer look. It appeared to be a grayish color, fairly big. She told him she thought it needed to be checked out, especially if the bruising got worse. We went home to see what it looked like. By then, it was a dark purple, about the size of my palm. Wow! By the end of the weekend, it was an eggplant purple color and getting bigger. I look back now on what I have learned from this horrible disease, and I should have taken him to the emergency room.

He got right in to see a surgeon in town, who sent him for an x-ray and an MRI. The results showed a deep vein thrombosis (blood clot). I can seriously tell you that we never thought it was melanoma. We were just racking our brains trying to figure out why he would have a blood clot in his leg. I even did some research and talked to a friend with blood clots about how to prevent them. The doctor didn't particularly agree with the results and sent us packing back to Columbia to the surgical oncologist to check things out. Still, denial.

We went to see Dr. Miller and talk about having the blood clot removed. He agreed it should be removed and we made plans that he would call us in a few weeks. He called the next day after reviewing Brian's tests from Maryville and said how about tomorrow? We got things scheduled for a few days later and thought...it will be great to get that blood clot out. Nevermind that it was an ONCOLOGIST that was doing the surgery!

I can remember the day we came to Columbia for pre-op, and the day of the surgery. We were so oblivious to the threat that lurked. You would think we would have thought that automatically...but they had cleared him...he was going to be fine...so why would this be anything to do with melanoma?

He hadn't been in surgery long when out came Dr. Miller to consult with us. I could see by his expression that this was serious. He didn't hesitate...Brian did well in surgery. I did not find what I had hoped to find. It is melanoma. I asked how he knew...he said...it is black and nasty, and I've done a lot of surgery on melanoma patients, and I know it when I see it.

My heart stopped, and I don't think it has ever beat just right since then.

The bruising was because two large melanoma tumors had burst. He could feel several other lumps up the inside of his thigh. He felt the disease had traveled up the saphenous vein on the inside of his leg and deposited melanoma along the way.

What? He was clear...C-L-E-A-R...clear. I don't actually remember much else except the words...I'm sorry...chemotherapy...very serious...see another oncologist next week. I raced out to the parking garage and called my mom and dad. I remember standing there talking and crying and all these people were walking by me and I was hysterical. I remember thinking that we were so stupid...how could we not know or suspect this. We were landblasted, as if he had never encountered the disease before.

He was in shock when he woke up and found out. The next weeks were full of tests and doctors and tears. We picked ourselves up and started this fight, and we having been going strong since then. Melanoma has beat us down many times, but it has not taken away how much we love each other.

I often think about the night I realized I was falling in love with him. He was on a ladder helping me hang Christmas lights. We were chatting and I was looking at him thinking how amazing he is. Somehow something was mentioned about his cancer, and I looked up at him and had the strangest feeling...I thought, I'm going to fall in love with this man, and he is going to die of cancer. That thought has haunted me so many times since he was rediagnosed. I don't understand why God brought him to me, and his life is being threatened, that I am facing the chance of losing him. I often think about how he wisked into my life, and how quickly so much has changed. Only 5 short years ago, our holidays were filled with the hustle and bustle of getting ready for our wedding. Life can change so fast.

I have no regrets, as far as being with Brian. I wish we would have be able to do more when he was healthy. He always wanted to go to Scotland. I always wanted to go to Italy. I thought we would go there together some day, and maybe we will. Miracles happen, the same as when he came into my life, and I expect another one. I am honored that God picked me to stand beside Brian on this journey, to love him and be loved by him.

There is so much I love about Brian. He collects old social studies or history textbooks...not just history books, textbooks. He especially loves the ones that have notes written in them by students long ago. He once passed up a really neat one at an antique store because he wanted to bargain with the owner to get it for $3 instead of $4. He tried to call the owner's bluff and walk out, and the owner didn't care. When we got to the car, I told him it was ok if he went back in and bought it for $4, and he said no way!

One of the first times he spent time at our house, Amberlea crawled up on his lap and asked him to read a book. It was Guess How Much I Love You. He read it several times. The book has the child bunny saying I love you this much, and the parent bunny saying I love you this much more. At the end, the little bunny says...I love you to the moon, and after the bunny goes to sleep, the parent says...and back. The first time Brian told me he loved me, he said he loved me to the moon and back. It has been a saying that we have used so many times. We sign our emails this way. His wedding ring is engraved with TO THE MOON... and mine says ...AND BACK.

Brian is a Jeff Gordon fan. He measured everything precisely to put things up in our downstairs family room. He named the room Brianville, and my mom bought him a wooden plaque that has it carved on it, which hangs from the ceiling as you enter. He looked up all the CSI Miami's on the computer to make sure he TiVo'ed all the ones he hasn't seen. He also TiVo's House, Prison Break, Shark, and he doesn't like it when I watch episodes of Days of Our Lives without him. When I met him, he had a fetish with his hair. It took him 2 hours each morning to fix it. He had this wild hat that had holes all over it and looked like it had been through a shredder...it had a name I won't share with you, and it is now in my hope chest because he couldn't part with it when he decided to shave his hair short. He loves to watch Wings and wants to wear his hair long like Brian's. He obsessively plans for things...like when he drew up plans for a new shoe rack, he took 2 days, lots of measurements, hours on the computer looking a various designs. Then he lost the plans, so I just bought one from the store. He watches items on eBay, but rarely buys anything. He loves the Royals, even when they stink...he is a diehard fan and despises bandwagon fans who ditch them when they are down. His dream job is to be a pitcher for the Royals. He loved to coach middle school football and misses it terribly. He loves to give his secretaries a hard time. He wishes he would have learned to play the electric guitar. He loves his grandma's peanut butter pie. He always has put me and our family first. He loves his job...most people don't love their job the way Brian does. He misses his team and he misses his kids. He frets about his students this year that he hasn't even met. He hates pot pies and pizza rolls and hot pockets and funnel cakes. He loves honeybuns and twinkies and dots and grape Gatorade and frozen custard from Sheridan's. He likes to golf, but he's not very good at it. He calls his brother Wormie because he used to squirm around like a worm when he was a baby, and his family calls him Chummy, but I can't remember why. He calls his Mom Junior, but he is too tired tonight to tell why...I used to know. Tye used to call him Daddyah instead of just Daddy. We had a huge fight about the color of our bathroom when we were building our house...how I wish that was all we had to worry about. He loves to go to the theatrical performances, and we love to go to the New Theatre Restaurant in Overland Park. He loved Wicked, but I found out afterwards that he had never seen the Wizard of Oz! (He has now.) He loves Guns and Roses, and he likes the music from High School Musical. He wants to buy a Harley. He's a great kisser, and tells people he is 5'10'' when we all know he isn't. He still has the ticket stubs in his wallet from when he went to an Eagles concert.

I'll stop for now. Just know that I love him deeply.

Jenni