How Was Your Day?

Ok, so here goes…I’ve been contemplating writing one of those gripe-type posts. I didn’t want to offend anyone. I’ve finally come to the conclusion that it is my blog and your choice to read it, and I can’t deny how our trials might be impacting each of you. So you’ve been warned, and it is your choice to read on.

It has been a crappy week. We each have our own crosses to bear. I think back to what I used to consider a bad week or a bad day. I would give anything for a squabble with my husband, a messy house and laundry, a pile of work, or a flat tire to have caused my bad day.

I’ve come to realize that cancer patients (and those suffering from life-threatening illnesses) live in a different dimension. We long to cuddle up with our kids at night, yet so many others pass up the chance. We long to go run and chase our kids at the park, yet so many let a beautiful day like today go by because you were too busy. We long to argue with Brian over the t.v. about watching baseball or football instead of having him sleep so much that it didn’t matter. We long to have a flat tire to constitute our bad day.

So how was your week? While so many of you let the week pass by without incident, without cherishing moments, without making an impact, here’s what happened in our world…

38 year old Jim, stage 4 melanoma, died and left behind a wife and 18 mo. old son. Kevin left a wife and 7 and 6 year-old children. Dale left her husband of 32 years. Roger was also lost.

Bryce (33) spent the morning today having his oncologist tell him that the radiation to his lungs did not work, and he and his wife spent the day talking about things no one wants to have to face. (how was your morning?) Frank (30) is slipping quickly, and his wife spent the day trying to figure out how to get him stable enough to bring home. (how was your day?) And Mike (34)…there was not an update on Mike today. He’s been in the hospital since going to the ER on Sunday and things are declining quickly. Sheila waits to get a handle on her pain before being discharged to spend her remaining time at home...both arms are paralyzed due to melanoma growing on the spinal cord.

And Brian has blood in his urine, a lot of blood. He has literally been in panic mode for about 36 hours, and seems calmed down finally tonight. They have ordered a urinalysis, and hopefully we’ll know some results on Friday. There are slim chances that maybe it is an infection; but the likelihood is that there are tumors (one, a few, many) in the bladder. There is a good chance that if that is the case, these tumors are small, as they were not on the Aug. 6 scan. These small tumors could bleed profusely for various reasons, one being that they are dying from the chemo treatment. This would be great news (not good that the tumors are there), but good that the chemo is working. If it is what is causing it, then that would likely mean the chemo is attacking the other melanoma growing in his body.

I’ve reminded Brian that I doubt having melanoma in the bladder could really be worse than having it on the brain or pancreas. But it is a visible symptom, and one that no doubt is an obvious concern. His doctor warned me this summer that this could get nasty, and I fear the wrath of this disease.

Kind of makes the other piddly things seem pathetically trivial…

Now I sit and reread this post. Maybe I’m being harsh. I would never wish this hell on any of you. But maybe it is a wake up call to all of us to really search and find what is important in life. And I include US in that. Even with what we have going on, we often exert energy that is wasted. We feel stress over silly things (like selling our house) and we fail to cherish each moment. You wouldn’t think in our situation that we would do that, but it is a part of humanity. I think sometimes it is because it is easier to fixate on these little things and try to change them instead of focusing on the serious issues that can’t be helped, or that maybe take more effort to fix.

I read the post from Tammy, Bryce’s wife today. I can only be inspired by how she has reacted to her husband’s declining health, and hope I can be more supportive of Brian and his battle. Her post made me really think...

You can do something for us. It doesn’t take you being a missionary to another country to make an impact. It doesn’t take a trip to Disney World to make memories with your family. It doesn’t take an illness like Brian’s to cherish each day or to live each day as if it were your last. It doesn’t take cancer to kick you in the rear and decide to change.

My fervent prayer for you all is that you might be impacted by our battle, that you might be touched by Brian, that God might be working through Brian to help you focus your own life, and that Brian’s battle will not be in vain…that you will cuddle up with your spouse as if it were the last cuddle...that you will celebrate a flat tire, because I would give a million bucks to have hot air be all it takes to fix our problem.

Jenni