Small Battle in a Big War

"When you go to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army greater than yours, do not be afraid of them, because the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, will be with you. Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before them." Deuteronomy 20:1,3

We definitely have declared war on melanoma, long ago. Brian has been wounded in various attacks. He's been allowed to go on leave, albeit briefly. His intelligence agency has been able to keep up mostly, but he's still been victimized by surprise attacks. A recent AIREVAC relocated him to barracks (or should I say the brig?) farther in the east. His wing man (me) was deployed down I-70 in a less desirable vehicle, a minivan.

The administrative chain of command has been on leave since Wednesday, and the remaining team has taken exceptional care of Brian. I did have to have a meeting of the minds briefly today to remind the surgical team (in the absence of Dr. Miller) that they are not only caring for patient #whatever, on 5 East, Room 30...he's a daddy, husband, son, friend, human and so much more; and their care of him needs to encompass all that.

So here's the deal. His pancreas is just not healing. It WILL heal, but it needs to rest until it is completely healed, or this isn't going to go away. This means he is NPO...nothing by mouth, no nachos or chili dogs or Big Macs or buffalo wings or pancakes or Pepsi...no nothing. This was decided yesterday afternoon before 3pm. This morning around 9 the doctor on call let us know that the i.v. antibiotics killed off the bacteria it was aimed at, and what is left coming from the pancreatic drain can be dealt with via oral antibiotics (this will get Brian a chance for a sip of water). They did decide to add a 2nd drain to deal with the remaining pocket of fluid near the pancreas, which we were happy about, and that was taken care of later in the morning. The original drain is still in, as it is also still collecting some fluid.

This visit from the docs also let us know we would probably go home this afternoon, maybe as late as the morning, with Brian on TPN (total parenteral nutrition), which will give Brian's body the needed protein, vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients. He'll be on TPN for 2-4 weeks, based solely on the pancreas. Tonight's bag also has lipids that will hopefully fatten him up a little. We were excited about the prospect of going home soon for about 20 minutes until the social worker and dietitian came in. They let us know that the chain of events that had to take place to get us out of here and home with the TPN would likely not be complete today; instead, we would probably be here until Monday or Tuesday.

So came the tears. I hate melanoma. I lost it. I hate cancer. It was overdue. I hate Brian being sick. It was justified. Did I mention that I hate melanoma? I unloaded. It felt good.

I learned so much from my mom. I felt myself drawing strength from her. I wanted to be respectful and clear of my feelings, but I wanted them to know how I felt. I shared with them my concerns about the holdup yesterday and that it was beginning to feel like Brian was being taken care of "when anyone got around to it". They were very nice and accepting of my feelings, and I felt bad because I unleashed on them, when technically they weren't responsible. The TPN had not been ordered for Brian to take home until nearly 9am this morning. And it is a long process that involves Blue Cross, Home Health from St. Francis and an infusion company that was yet to be named. I gave them the info on Home Health to make it faster, and they decided to contact them first to see which infusion company they use. Soon a case worker came to see me, and I had a chance to let her know exactly how I felt. I guess we are spoiled with Dr. Miller. Dr. Anderson is also wonderful, but is mostly a spectator right now because this is a post-surgery issue. I feel I was clear in the fact that I am pleased, more than pleased, with the exceptional care Brian has always received here. They are so nice here, from the doctors to the housekeepers to the nurses to the cafeteria people to the nurse's aides. Maybe that was what was so upsetting, to get less than acceptable bedside manner from the on-call doc...plus it was almost like they just dropped the orders and they just expected they would get done according to their wishes. Yet, there are procedures and processes in life to be followed by everyone, regardless of your hierarchy.

So Apria out of K.C. got on board, and they will provide Brian with the mixed nutrients right to our door, plus all the equipment and supplies we need. A surgeon on the team popped in this afternoon to check on Brian and apologize for how it all happened. He was sincere in telling Brian that he was doing everything he could to care for his medical needs, and didn't consider how the details of their orders might affect Brian as a person.

I was not there, as I was getting our van inspected and licensed since the plates expired in January. When it rains it pours. Luckily, I found this out by just glancing at my van plates yesterday instead of having to notified by law enforcement! The surgeon asked about me, and I am actually glad I wasn't there to chew him out.

The social workers and our case worker and the dietitians were efficient, and this matter was resolved by mid-afternoon. I was out of the hospital caring for my vehicle when Apria called with the details about tomorrow's delivery. Then when I returned, I clarified that we are being discharged tomorrow afternoon. We'll see...but I think they are serious this time!

Brian's TPN will run for 16 hours, and we opted to have the 8 hours off when the kids are home in the late afternoon and evenings. He is thankful for this, and just wants to go home.

Brian would welcome anyone, someone, dropping him an MRE.

We are blessed to be together. We really don't ever get tired of each other's company, so the time together has been precious. The downfall is being gone from the kids and missing them like crazy, and just the fact that we are stuck here. We look to the Lord for strength and courage, and we pray for continued healing for Brian. We pray also for honorable discharge from this war so we can just enjoy our life with Brian. Again, God answered our prayers today...we cried out in anguish, in need of relief from this suffering, and He came through for us.

Thank you for your support and love.

"For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory." Deuteronomy 20:4