Good God, Find a Way

Please God, find a way to stop this suffering caused by melanoma...

I'm not going to do any so called educating today, as far as facts go. I'm not feeling well today, it has been a rough day. I don't know what makes each day stand out, some easier and some more difficult. I have cried several times today. I really miss Brian and I have fought back the tears all day. Even now, I can hardly see through the tears to type this. My head hurts.

There are lots of people to pray for tonight. Michelle is trying to get back on her feet, as her health just continues to decline. She is in the hospital awaiting her MDX treatment (same as Brian had in the fall). Jackie posted tonight that her husband Herb came home by air ambulance from MD Anderson today, directly into a hospice facility near their home. His brain is swelling and his journey is nearing the end. Geoff from Toronto received the news of his recent brain MRI, showing increased mets and an increase in the size of the 10-15 mets that are already there. They are regrouping with their doctors to decide what to do, but they know this is a very bad report. All melanoma patients, yep, skin cancer.

You would think I would want to stay away from these people who are losing their battles. You would think I would want to stay away from those who are doing well in their battles. Neither one for me, because I am drawn to support those who will hopefully beat the beast who stole the love of my life; and I am drawn to support those who are struggling, as they and so many others have supported me. I sometimes feel like I am reliving Brian's death through others. Even so, it feels good to offer my support to someone who is in the horrible position I was in not so long ago, and to offer them a chance to know they will survive this. It is surprisingly good therapy for me too, in knowing that my experience might ease their pain.

I feel like I am treading water. One day at a time seems to be a good motto right now. Hopefully tomorrow might be a little better.