Sleepy Head

I am a night owl. I always have been...a trait from my mom. And staying up late leads to sleeping in, and Brian has always given me a hard time for it. I guess I don't see any difference of him falling asleep on the couch at 8pm and getting up at 5am, or me staying up until 2am, then getting up at 9 or 10 am...unless you do the math and see that it is me who actually sleeps less.

Gradually through our marriage, Brian has stayed up later and later...he has joined the dark side, and has been known to sleep until 6 or 6:30 on weekends. Even with chemo and being sick, he often was up by 7am.

At 2:30 pm today, I finally dragged him out of bed. I had been up since bright-eyed Tye had woken me up around 8:30am. Granted, when we went to bed last night after 1 am (although Brian had been asleep on the couch all evening), he started having trouble with nausea and pain. He was in bad shape from then until he finally settled down around 3am, after I talked him in to the strongest meds for nausea. Phenergan...the wonder drug...takes away all his cares. But I've kept track, and it also knocks him out cold for around 18-20 hours. His pain and nausea were out of control, so it was his only option.

He missed the delivery of a pizza and a peach pie, as well as a phone call, all from friends at school. Tye wanted him to get up so badly, but was very patient with Daddy sleeping. I spent the day getting the house ready for our open house on Sunday, amid playing cows and the Wii and reading books.

Brian dozed most of the rest of the evening, but did decide to eat a sandwich. He is battling a very sore mouth, likely a result of the nexavar. He is back on decadron to help with possible swelling at the site where the brain tumor was removed. I am going to journal his food and fluid intake for a while now because I don't think he ate much of anything on Friday when I was at school, all evening Friday, and all day today, other than the sandwich. He says he has no appetite, but at least the nausea is under control for now. At that rate, he's going to have to just take a few bites of stuff here and there to keep something in his stomach. The fluids are also a must, as he definitely doesn't want to end up back in the hospital for dehydration, or even the fact that being dehydrated will make him feel punky too.

I will post pictures when I get the chance. Tye got 3 fish last night, and it was quite a sight to see. Once we got home, Brian helped him get things going with his little gallon and a half tank, and he had picked out goldfish...black, orange and white with spots like it is calico. He named them Blackey, Nemo and Gus. I have no idea where Gus came from, but he just announced that the white fish was going to be named Gus. We had gone to Walmart to get yet another medication for Brian, and Tye wanted to see the fish. They are learning about fish at school. I decided to splurge on an inexpensive tank and cheap goldfish (28 cents each). Tye seemed shocked to find out that we could actually TAKE some of the fish from Walmart home with us. He went to bed grinning from ear to ear with his little fishies on his dresser, and the evening made for some special memories with Daddy and getting his first pet. I wish we could get him a dog, but that will maybe be something we can do down the road.

So for the urinalysis...the doctor's office here called and put Brian on an antibiotic for a urinary tract infection. Brian's oncologist told us that the urine had red blood cells in it...surprise!...but that there wasn't anything else to be alarmed about at this point. The antibiotic is important with Brian not having a spleen. His oncologist feels that this is not an emergency situation unless Brian feels that it is, and he has scheduled us to see a urologist on the 10th. As far as Brian, the blood has decreased quite a bit compared to the other day, but is still there and very present.

Dr. Anderson says he really feels it is from melanoma in the bladder, ureters, or kidney, or some or all of those places. He feels these are small tumors, as they are not on the scan or reports from Aug. 6. He is also confident that these tumors were already there, just undetected, and that they are bleeding and trying to break up. He said it is possible but unlikely that they just spontaneously started to bleed; but also said that considering their size, which has to be relatively small, what would cause them to bleed would be most likely chemo. That is actually very good news because if the chemo is killing these rumors, it is almost certain to be killing the other tumors, including microscopic. How much or how effectively it is killing the other tumors?...we will know over time. It is unclear what we will really do once we see the urologist. Most people would have a scope or something. With Brian's history, it may be a toss-up as to whether it is worth it, as it very well may not change a thing. I have long suspected he would eventually have melanoma on the left kidney, given the fact that he has had such a concentrated amount on melanoma around that area (removed in Feb., then grew back in that spot, right behind the left kidney).

Brian is very weak. I really struggled this week with being at school and missing the chance to care for him. Emotionally, this is really taking its toll of both of us, and Brian's spirits are at an all-time low. One of my prayers is that there might be a way that I can find the means by which to be able to stay home and care for him. From the moment I walked in the door on Friday, I have been taking care of him. He is just not himself and requires someone to really be there. He could barely make it back and forth to the bathroom, and I basically forced him to go back to the walker instead of the cane. As I said, I'm unsure if there was any food or fluid intake, or if even he kept up on his meds all day. This is not what I want for him, and I pray that God will ease this burden on my heart.

I am hoping to catch a few extra zzz's tonight, so I better close for now.

Many blessings to you all for a weekend full of precious moments,
Jenni